The Power Within Forgiveness
Lately, it seems like many of my conversations have centered around forgiveness
I have noticed that we all seem to have very different ideas about what forgiveness is and is not. So, I thought it important to shed some light and clarity on this simple, yet complex issue.
Forgiveness is not about saying “I’m sorry”
Forgiveness is not about forgetting and moving on as if nothing happened. No, it is about making a conscious choice to release your inner feelings of vengeance towards people and situations you have been wronged by. In this definition, you can begin to see that forgiveness is not for anyone else but yourself. It has to do with the angst, anger, hurt and pain that rides within you. In its simplicity, it is an act of letting go.
In its complexity, it is about exploring what you feel within regarding what has been done to you by people and situations. Forgiveness is a willingness to face the hurt and pain, anger and sometimes rage or feelings of resentment that are associated. And then it is about processing those feelings and making a decision to release them so that they no longer have power over you. Because it is so involved, many find it very difficult to even entertain the idea of forgiving. But, like secrets, when these emotions are kept within, they can and will wreak havoc on your body, mind and spirit. The truth is, not releasing those feelings is like perpetual trauma, every time you think of the wrong, you are aggrieved again.
Negative and painful feelings are important messages
Negative, painful and hurt feelings arise for many reasons. Such as the childhood friend who failed to invite you to her party or being robbed at gun point. Or, losing everything in a house fire or being caught in a random act of violence. From being insulted to losing your child or years of abuse to one single moment when you were embarrassed. The list could go on and on but what is important is to recognize how you feel. The thoughts that pop up when you see or think of a person(s) or situation matter and should be paid attention to. Not so that you can harbor negative feelings but so that you can address them.
There is a myriad of ways one can address their hurt and pain and consider a process of forgiving. Some people talk directly, some write letters, and some go on long walks or release balloons in the air. No matter how it is done, the goal is to be intentional and complete the process only when ready.
Forgiving yourself is often the most difficult thing to do
One last thought, I have come to believe that the most difficult person to forgive is yourself. For some reason, we are willing to entertain the idea of releasing our negative thoughts towards others but we often fail to consider letting go of negative thoughts of ourselves. Sometimes we are unable or unwilling to let go of our critical voices. However, forgiving ourselves is the most important task to accomplish. The better we are at it, the better able we are to forgive others.
Honor who you are, believe in your strengths, free yourself from your mental prison.
